it was always going this way. there was a reason garrett told her to keep her distance from everyone – her friends were ALWAYS going to be what killed her. she caused it, with her loyalties && poor choices && hurting them first, she knows that, but she hadn’t thought bobbi might be the one to end her life.
she had considered it in detail more than once – had been sure it would be one of the team. maybe skye would finish the job or jemma would get it right next time ;; maybe may wouldn’t hold back next time she saw her or fitz could go through with it. or, just maybe, the righteous man entrusted with the world would finally realize she was too far gone to keep alive && kill his traitor.
her fate had seemed almost intertwined with theirs, with all she had done to them it would have only been fitting. but it’s BOBBI stood in front of her, face bloody && dirty, with a knife in her hand. she has one of her own, a small pocket knife that’s sharp enough to do the job. this is her own doing – pushing kara to seek her own CLOSURE && torturing the agent who had been their friend. she hopes kara stays away until it’s over, hopes she’ll be okay in spite of who wins this fight.
there’s no need for words between them anymore, they’ve said all they need to already && no matter how much they wanted to get through to the other neither were listening. she regrets it in a way, she same way she regrets not listening to hill or fitz or coulson or skye – she had never listened && she won’t change for bobbi morse. the blond knows that too, she’s sure.
grip on the knife so tight her knuckles turn white, it’s the sound of footsteps that push them into finally making their moves. this is NECESSARY, she tells herself when she slices into bobbi’s shoulder && scrambles to prop a chair under to door handle to keep kara out of this. this is between them, no one else had to die too.
a wordless yell escapes her throat when the knife slides between her shoulder blades. deep enough that it h u r t s but not far enough she’ll die from that alone. it gives bobbi enough time to kick her into the wall hard enough she cracks the glass window. she lunges forward, shoves her knife into the blonds thigh meaning it to be more VISCOUS than it is – it feels more desperate than calculated. too fucking sloppy.
it’s a back && forth between them, a give && take – tit for tat. at some point they STOP being agents, they’re not killers or spies here. they’re those stupid kids back at the academy, they’re two friends who’ve been hurt, who are angry, hurt – abandoned && betrayed. they’re fighting to hurt, not to win, because all they want to do anymore is make the other feel their pain.
at some point they stop to regain breath, they’re both bleeding && bruised && clinging on to their anger to anchor them. she thinks she hears bobbi ask why or maybe it’s her imagination && she doesn’t know what to say. why did she befriend her? why betray people who cared for her? why do this? who ruin their friendship?
the answer is she just doesn’t know anymore. she stopped looking back the third time she woke up from sedation cuffed to a bed ALONE in the dark. her eyes s t i n g with the need to cry but she doesn’t do that anymore – she won’t do that here. she’s not a child, she’s not weak && she is not going to cry in front of bobbi morse.
“why’d you never tell them” she says && ignores the sting of the knife biting into her palm. the pain GROUNDS HER, focuses her, gives her the control she needed. garrett had always been right about that – she was at her best when she was in pain.
they just keep going until her muscles ACHE && she can hear her heart pounding in her ears. her arms broken, bone going straight through the skin, but she’d broke bobbi’s leg in return. her throat hurts from SHOUTING – it felt like they’d been shouting at each other forever. everything hurts && it needs to e n d but there was never a peaceful solution to this.
the dim light hits bobbi’s blood stained knife && she plays with her own, turning it over in her hand && ignoring the sting when it cuts skin. she knows what she has to do. she pushes herself forward into the blond, wrapping an arm around her neck as if in a hug. she pulls the blond in TIGHTER without compromise && feels the blade slide home between her ribs. thumb pressed on the butt of the handle, she stays true to what everyone thinks of her. she stabs the knife into bobbi’s back && leaves it there before falling back.
she stumbles back, pulling the knife from her body && falls into the wall. sliding down it she hears a similar THUMP next to her && glances over to see bobbi next to her. ‘ bitch ’ she hears it quietly but there’s little over noise to cover it && she LAUGHS, it’s more of a cough && it brings blood with it but it catches && they’re both laughing through the pain.
it’s the exhaustion or they’re hysteric, she decides && keeps laughing anyway. the pains only fading && she KNOWS what it means. she knows what’s going to happen, regrets not seeing kara one last time. “got any regrets over there?” she asks quietly but doesn’t look at her to see if she’s going to answer or not. “i damn well hope marrying hunter’s one of them, barbara” she adds && something changes.
it’s the tension, the anger, the BETRAYAL. it all slips away. they’re both dying, there’s no point in dwelling in that anymore, instead it feels almost the same as when they were young agents. they almost feel like friends again. they talk about none of the questions they both still had, they don’t RUIN these last moments && let those be their last words. they talk about just about everything else instead – the guy who used to work back up all the time who always seemed to sniff the stationary ( ’ no, not hydra barbie, just really passionate about office supplies ’ ) , what really happened when they got separated on that hike ( ’ if you had told me you fucked him in the woods i wouldn’t have hooked up with him at Christmas…i would have just checked if his oral really was that good ’. )
at some point she starts to lean her head on bobbi’s shoulder, she just gives in && stays there && feels bobbi lean against her too. she doesn’t lie to herself when she closes her eyes, she’s not just resting, she’s going to die soon && there’s NOTHING she can do about it. they’re going to die here, both of them, && it’s almost fitting. they practically graduated the academy together, over a decade later they were going to die in a shitty old warehouse because of her somewhere between enemies && friends. they’re not either in this moment but that’s o k a y – no one in her life has ever been strictly anything.
“it wasn’t a lie y’know” it feels important, it’s something she HAS TO say, she can’t let her die without telling her. she’s tried before, to tell the team THE TRUTH, she o w e s bobbi the same. “he didn’t tell me to be your friend – no one did. it was real, to me” she’s not sure bobbi’s even awake to hear this now, she can feel the faint breaths but hears nothing to show her words are being acknowledged. that’s okay, at least she will have said it. “…you were my first real friend. might’ve been my only one – for a long time anyway. it was ALL REAL” her hand sneaks out, covers bobbi’s, wonders if it was worth it. “&& i’m sorry.”
she’s so sorry. she sorry for everything – she’s sorry for letting everyone who had ever believed in her down, sorry for always getting everything so WRONG, sorry for never listening, thinking she was fine ALONE – she’s sorry for this. && she’s sorry for the fact kara’s going to be left with the fallout, kara’s going to find then when she finally gets in, kara’s going to have to face shield’s WRATH alone. she also knows kara’s going to be just fine without her – they’re the ones going into the UNKNOWN now instead. kara will be fine. everyone will be fine.
“…’m SO SORRY bob.”
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