
she wakes up at dawn on christmas morning but feels no
excitement. she’s known father christmas isn’t real since she was six
&& her mother told her to GROW UP ( it wasn’t long ago her mother warned
her not to tell thomas the same. christian told him just to be nasty but she
got both the blame && the belt for hurting his childhood. )
she’s already finding clothes when thomas runs in &&
the bruises on her back && arms remind her to smile, to feign EXCITEMENT like they both
don’t alredy know today will be a show rather than a family affair. constant smiles, pictures
taken like it’s a press event, being left with a nanny who would rather be
anywhere but there.
( she misses gramsy. misses the real christmas after their parents left them with her, how she would make a christmas dinner for them herself && bring out the presents she bought months before && sing songs with them around the piano. christmas went away with gramsy two years ago, && now it’s her RESPONSIBILITY to make sure thomas has the best Christmas possible. )
she sits between thomas && christian at every
opportunity, distracts christian every time she thinks he’s going to take his FRUSTRATION out on thomas && knows she’ll get hell for it when the nanny calls her
friend after sending them to bed – she doesn’t look her father in the eye all
day && winces every time she has to pose with him for a photo
&& feels his heavy hand on her shoulder ( he’d gripped her arm so hard
only days before she thought it might break. )
she sits with thomas in his room that night, they sit under the blankets with a flashlight && she tells him a story gramsy used to tell her when she couldn’t sleep. she wishes the day could end there, with them sharing a genuine smile – she goes back to her room instead && faces christian’s anger but she doesn’t cry. gramsy always said – you don’t cry at christmas.
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